Almost 60? Really??
‘First Good News I’ve Had Since I Nailed bin Laden,’ President Says

Obama: ‘Best Debate Ever’

‘First Good News I’ve Had Since I Nailed bin Laden,’ President Says


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A jubilant President Barack Obama said that tonight’s Republican forum was “the best debate ever,” calling it “the first good news I’ve had since I nailed bin Laden.”

Mr. Obama watched the debate surrounded by advisors in the White House Situation Room, where the mood was said to be tense “up until the first time Rick Perry opened his mouth.”

“I’m not a big TV watcher,” Mr. Obama said, “but that debate had to be the most entertaining two hours I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing.”

Mr. Obama confirmed that he had DVRd the debate for future screenings at the White House, which tonight was the site of a spectacular fireworks display in the moments after the debate’s conclusion.

Among the debate’s highlights, the Republican candidates took pains to enumerate their plentiful broods of children, which added up to a number slightly greater than the population of China.

For his part, Gov. Perry of Texas made the biggest impression by questioning the existence of Social Security, climate change, earth, wind and fire.

Also notable were his pro-execution comments, which tonight won him the coveted endorsement of the National Association of Electric Chair Manufacturers.

“We don’t have high unemployment in Texas,” he noted with pride, “because if you don’t have a job, we kill you.”

And in perhaps the most revealing moment of the debate, Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn) explained why she does not believe in evolution: “It’s really let me down.”


Why I’m Scared Shitless After the Damn Republican Debate

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We saw tonight who the big-time fans are:

Yay, death! Let’s stop reasonable talk in Congress. Never compromise. Let the country die first!

The Constitution? So what.

It’s enough to make me cry. And that ain’t easy. 

aswalsh:

“Here’s why I find it impossible to be a Republican: any crowd that instantly cheers the execution of 234 individuals is a crowd I want to flee, not join.”

-Andrew Sullivan

big fat slob pigs out on tons of food and disgusts everyone

Man, I am sick and tired of Facebook's and Mark Zuckerberg's damn fickleness! Aren't you??

I think—I think, yeah, I’m gonna lay off for a while. I’ve had it.

For now. And if business stays fine? Hey. I learned somethin’ big! ;)

albertqian:

Katy Perry sings in “Hot and Cold” about a man who changes his mind like a girl who changes clothes, in reference to a fiance who can’t make up his mind about getting married. Decisions are of course, an immensely difficult thing to make - especially in light of getting married to someone whom you…

If your child doesn’t “get it” when she reads, try this tip. Good luck! And let me know if you want to discuss it. No strings attached, I promise! :D

Paula
Miss Bright  

If your child can’t read, come talk with us.

If your child needs extra reading help to keep up with his or her class, we can help.

Awesome infographic of the social universe!

Thanks to Jesse Thomas of interactive design agency JESS3, we now have an updated look at the structure of the geosocial universe as it exists in anno domini 2011. It wasn’t so long ago that the In…

Amount of Daily Content on the Web

Writing a book is a very lonely business. You are totally cut off from the rest of the world, submerged in your obsessions and memories.
Mario Vargas Llosa (via paperlover)
How I love to see kids read!

How I love to see kids read!